My husband and I married 6 years ago. I am 35 and he is nearly 40. We didn’t have sex while we were dating. I was scared because when I had sex with a guy it seemed to end up being the only thing our relationship was about. I wanted more with him. My husband readily agreed (which should have been a huge red flag). We became best friends, and even though we didn’t have sex, we did have some steamy times on the couch where we came close (or so I thought). On our wedding night, he was having trouble getting an erection, but he woke me up in the middle of the night and had sex with me with little to no foreplay. For the rest of our honeymoon, he was able to get erect, but honestly it was almost like work to me. I was desperately trying to keep him hard long enough to get him in me, and he would just lay there until he was ready to get on top of me and do the deed. I’ve always been a very sexual person, loving all the foreplay and fun and games, different positions, talking dirty, you name it. One time when he was in me, I reached up to nibble on his ear and it was over – he lost his erection. I quickly learned that I just had to lay there or he would lose it. After our honeymoon, we would have sex maybe once every three months or so. That lasted nearly a year and then nothing. It has now been 5 years since we had sex. I’ve tried to talk to him about it, but I always end up crying and he just says, “I know, I know” and holds me to try to soothe me. He went to the doctor and was diagnosed with low testosterone. The doctor gave him the cream to rub on his shoulders. He used it for a while (I knew because I could smell it), but he hasn’t used it in a long time. One day when I was cleaning, I found a brown paper bag in the back of his dresser with ED pills tadalafil and the bad thing was that there was only one pill left. You can imagine my horror wondering why he didn’t tell me, why he didn’t practice with me, and who else he may be practicing with. (I can hear some of you asking me why I didn’t confront him right then – I think I was scared of what he might say) I don’t believe he’s cheating on me, although I can’t help but wonder considering the circumstances. Other than our sex life, our relationship is wonderful except for the obvious communication issues (he keeps everything close to the chest, so he isn’t just uncommunicative about this problem). He’s my best friend, and we laugh together all the time and genuinely enjoy spending time together. I’ve been able to convince myself that the sex isn’t important, but the truth is I am currently having a really hard time with our situation. I’m feeling more like a roommate than a wife, and even our kisses are just polite pecks now. When I am changing clothes in front of him he won’t even look at me, and if he accidentally touches my breast it’s like he touched something hot and he flinches and quickly pulls his hand away. I had tried initiating several times, but it just embarrassed him, and if my hand gets near his penis he pushes it away like “don’t touch”. I know some of you would leave, but I love him so much that just isn’t an option. I know I need to talk to him again, but I just don’t know how to approach it and I always cry (damn it!). He’s very sensitive about any sort of criticism (he’s mentioned before that his dad never thought he could do anything right), and the last thing I want to do is hurt him. Some of you are probably thinking we need counseling, but I can assure you he WILL NOT do that. He is very against ANYONE being in our business, no matter how professional they are. The only reason he went to the doctor was because our situation came out during one of my check-ups (doctors always ask those questions), and the doctor (who is a family friend) told me to tell my husband to come see him because he sees this kind of thing all the time.
I wanted to share this because I have never told anyone – even my sister (who I am extremely close to) – because I know that my friends would think he was either cheating on me or gay, and my sister would never be able to look at him again without seeing THAT. I don’t want to do that to him.
Thanks for allowing me this outlet to finally let it out. I appreciate any advice, although I’m sure COMMUNICATE is the answer. I know it’s coming, I’m just trying to figure out how best to go about it. Anybody got any medical cures for bursting into tears?